my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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