I heard we made out
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
