Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
