i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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