Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize