Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
