i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
