So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
