someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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