Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
