It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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