Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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