If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
