Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
