Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
