He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
