I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
