I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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