I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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