I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
