I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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