It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
