All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
