You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
