i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
