he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
