Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i love accidental penises.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
