What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
