doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
