Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
