I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
