Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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