Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
