I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
