Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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