ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
