I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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