I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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