Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
