Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
