Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i think i just lost a toe
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
