we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I need to sanitize my soul.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
