Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize