I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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