I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
