I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
