Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
