my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
