why didn't you poke me back
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
