I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
