i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
