im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
