you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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