Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
