he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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