Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
