I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
