ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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