Well apparently he's into motor boating.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
