I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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