Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
thus making me awesome and them whores
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize