I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
