My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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