I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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