Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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