Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
