I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
