I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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