Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.

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  (815): I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on. http://tfl.nu/mukq
  Replies (65) Good night (2842) Bad night (672)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.

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  (502): Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face. http://tfl.nu/puwv
  Replies (30) Good night (1262) Bad night (4052)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.

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  (781): The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over. http://tfl.nu/6slb
  Replies (18) Good night (571) Bad night (4427)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.

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  (914): I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned. http://tfl.nu/hdoa
  Replies (10) Good night (1302) Bad night (4842)
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  (818): View more from California

  well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning

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  (818): well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning http://tfl.nu/ywc2
  Replies (18) Good night (4620) Bad night (2322)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.

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  (937): so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had. http://tfl.nu/vdqf
  Replies (8) Good night (1659) Bad night (4578)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable

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  (248): Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/6hsi
  Replies (3) Good night (1498) Bad night (877)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange

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  (765): The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange http://tfl.nu/tkqz
  Replies (10) Good night (3342) Bad night (592)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.

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  (248): Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke. http://tfl.nu/wb76
  Replies (6) Good night (457) Bad night (1261)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem

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  (832): Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem http://tfl.nu/ll71
  Replies (6) Good night (3233) Bad night (666)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.

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  (937): That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor. http://tfl.nu/5gnj
  Replies (2) Good night (472) Bad night (265)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.

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  (806): I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship. http://tfl.nu/hvwx
  Replies (3) Good night (718) Bad night (356)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.

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  (304): I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body. http://tfl.nu/upxw
  Replies (2) Good night (437) Bad night (326)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!

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  (602): OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED! http://tfl.nu/4r77
  Replies (3) Good night (551) Bad night (205)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night

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  (315): I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night http://tfl.nu/e9r3
  Replies (1) Good night (313) Bad night (453)

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