My sheets look like a crime scene.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You had me at "let me see your balls"