Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Don't tell me you're on acid again