My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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