Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
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i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.