she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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