Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...

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(847): View more from Illinois

so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

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(+77): View more from

her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'

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(216): View more from Ohio

somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(313): View more from Michigan

I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.

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(573): View more from Missouri

I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.

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(361): View more from Texas

Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.

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(618): View more from Illinois

I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.

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