They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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