Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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