Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
