My sheets look like a crime scene.
even my farts smell like vagina
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
