I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
